If you find that you’re in shock and can’t cry, that’s also okay—everyone grieves in different ways. Writing in a journal during a time of sadness can also help you fully express yourself.
Your friends and family members won’t need you to act “tough” or put on a “brave face”—instead, they’ll want to know when they should intervene and help you. Let your loved ones know when you’d benefit from a private moment to talk because you’d feel more comfortable in that situation. Ask for someone you trust to be by your side when you go to social events. They can help calm your nerves and take over conversations if you ever become overwhelmed.
“Bereavement leave” is a leave of absence for people facing grief. Consider asking your superior for time off while you grieve. If you’re in the middle of a course or class, reach out to your professors or a school counselor to ask for time off. If you have a goal you’ve been working towards, like training for a competition or race, give yourself permission to take a pause.
Show yourself compassion. For example, if your heart still hurts even though years have gone by, embrace how much love you still feel for the person who passed on. Also understand that you’re on your own special journey. Even if some people seem like they “healed” more quickly from grief than you have, all that matters is that you’re honest with yourself and your feelings.
Create a scrapbook full of your favorite pictures of this amazing person. Donate to a charity or volunteer for an organization this individual supported. Take part in activities your loved one adored, such as gardening or chess. Plant a tree in honor of the dearly departed to symbolize your eternal love.
Remember that your friends love you unconditionally, even when you’re sad or would benefit from some space. Express what would comfort you. For example, say, “I’d love it if I could grab tea with you and share our favorite memories of Mom. ” Describe how others can lift a burden from you. You might share, “I’m overwhelmed packing up all of Todd’s clothes. Is anyone free this weekend to help me?” Try not to isolate yourself. Instead, tell your friends if you’re not up for big get-togethers and just need one-on-one time.
Visit GriefShare to find a support group near you. You may find that you feel relieved to share your story with those who are also mourning. You might even make lifelong friends who also honor your loved one and help you enjoy new experiences.
Going to your religious establishment just once a week can give you something positive to look forward to and help you with your routine. Your faith-based community may promote special events, like volunteering opportunities, which can offer a way to lift your spirits by helping others.
Research psychic mediums and reach out to the one you feel most drawn to. Write down a list of questions you can ask the spirit of your loved one. Read books that review paranormal activity and encounters with spirits. Consult Tarot cards and pose questions about the dearly departed. Search for everyday signs that your loved one is with you, such as a familiar scent when no one else is in the room or a dream where you speak to the individual who’s passed on.
Mental health professionals specialize in treating “complicated grief”—intense sadness that lasts longer than 12 months—as well as symptoms associated with it, like clinical depression.
Go to a pet shelter to bring home a rescue animal. If you meet a critter who really needs help, you may feel inspired to give it the best life you can. Raising this pet may also offer you a more hopeful chapter after your period of mourning.
People might share an experience completely different from yours like, “You’ll be fine soon! I got back into the swing of things after a couple of months. " If your timeline for dealing with loss seems different, feel free to politely tell them this. It may help to tell yourself, “It’s the thought that counts. " Even if people struggle to find the right words, they definitely want to try to help take away your pain. It’s okay to distance yourself from anyone who you feel uncomfortable around—if their words make you feel negatively, then limit the time you spend with them.
Since a dramatic transition can take a lot of mental, physical, and emotional energy, they may leave you more exhausted when you’re in the middle of grief. Right now, just focus on creating as much balance in your life as you can.
Get quality sleep and aim to go to bed and wake up around the same times of the day. Eat a balanced diet with three healthy meals a day that include proteins, organic fruits, vegetables, and healthy carbs. Pay attention to your hygiene. It’s important to shower, bathe, and groom yourself regularly so you feel more ready to face the world. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day if you can. Even going for a walk can help get your adrenaline pumping and give you a boost of energy.
Remember, you don’t have to fill your social calendar in order to heal. Even if you just accept a small number of invitations, you’re still making great progress. If you’re normally a social drinker, avoid alcohol until you’re feeling more balanced and calm. Alcohol is a depressant, and while it may numb the pain at first, it can actually make you feel more sad shortly after you drink it.
Devoting yourself to something you care about can help you heal because you may feel a strong sense of purpose. If you’re not up to throwing yourself into a passion, be patient with yourself—it’s okay to just distract yourself with activities that require less mental effort, like watching TV.
On their birthday, flip through pages in the scrapbook you made. During the holidays, share funny or heartwarming stories with your relatives. Every year, visit the tree that you planted to represent your love for this person.
You may feel like it’s impossible to do this from where you’re standing now, but one day, you’ll see that there’s so much to be thankful for in life. If you take the time to appreciate the little things, from the loving touch of your kitty rubbing against your shin to an amazing home-cooked meal, you’ll be moving toward not only living your life again but also living it to the fullest. Be patient with yourself. As long as you take small steps to move forward and nurture yourself, you will be able to feel joy again.
