This allows each of you to order whatever you want without having to worry about being out of the other person’s price range.
Today, most people consider going Dutch on a date to be a sign of respect and equality. However, more traditional views are still popular, especially in heterosexual dating. [3] X Research source
Sure, if the bill is only $40, it’s fine for each of you to throw in $20 and call it a day. But what if one of you only nibbled on a small appetizer and drank water while the other person ate steak with a glass of wine? Assuming you agreed to split the bill ahead of time, someone who orders a less expensive option is probably considering their own budget. It doesn’t make sense to essentially force them to spend more.
For example, if your date refuses to split the bill, you might say, “Well, that’s fine, but at least let me pay for the dessert! You only had one small bite of it. " The most common split here is for one of you to pay for the food while the other pays for drinks. If you spent several hours at a bar or restaurant, this can be a good compromise.
If you’ve just started dating someone, it can be uncomfortable sharing details about your personal finances. Splitting the bill means your finances stay private. Sharing costs also means you’ll be able to go out more often. It gets pretty expensive if one person foots the bill every time. Going dutch makes every situation fair and comfortable. Whether you’re having a gourmet meal or Chinese takeout, you’re only responsible for your half.
The other side of this is that if one person picks up the tab, you may assume they’ll also pay next time you go out—or they’ll think you expect them to, even if you don’t. Setting a pattern of going Dutch ensures that neither of you is making any assumptions.
If you make more casual plans, it’s possible the person you’re with doesn’t even realize you were considering the outing a date. Going Dutch makes this situation a lot less awkward.
Someone who consistently pays may believe they have the right to choose where you go and what you do on dates—after all, it’s their money, right? When you pay your own way, you assert your independence from the other person.
Here you can take a cue from the Dutch themselves, in whom directness is culturally ingrained. [11] X Research source The Dutch would think nothing of discussing finances openly, so if you’re truly “going Dutch,” you shouldn’t be worried about this either.
This way, nobody is put on the spot. If you already know what’s going to happen, you don’t have to worry about it. You might say, “I’d be happy to go to dinner with you, but I’d prefer if we go Dutch. I hope that won’t be a problem. " If they insist on paying, you can say, “I appreciate it, but I’m more comfortable paying my own way this time. We can discuss other arrangements in the future. "
You might say, “I know Virago has a great reputation, but I’m not really feeling like sushi tonight. Could we meet up at Sixty Vines instead?” If you’re suggesting places, name 2 or 3 spots in roughly the same part of town. In a larger city, you might want to agree on the neighborhood first, since those also vary in price. Then narrow down your selection from there.
You might say, “We’re paying separately, right? Just want to make sure we’re still on the same page about that. " If you’re at a restaurant, let the server know as soon as you’re seated. Say, “This will be on separate checks. " That way there’s never any opportunity for disagreement or awkwardness.
For example, you might say, “Thank you so much, that’s so nice of you. " You could add, “But you have to let me pick up the tab on our next date—I insist. "
