In the post, user ParsleyorCoriander explains that they have a “lovely” 8-year-old granddaughter “who lives with her mum and extended family abroad. My son/her father has limited contact (complex reasons) but I am paying financial support on his behalf and visit 2-3 times a year (staying in hotels - they would not have room to host me). I get on well with Alice on a 121 basis and spend a lot of time together when I’m visiting.”

A majority of Mumsnet users voted that the original poster is not behaving unreasonably.

ParsleyorCoriander explains: “This year I paid for her [the child] and her mum to visit me for a month. I paid for flights, transportation, food and eating out, excursions, everything, and they stayed at my house. In total it cost me over £3,000 [$3,571 in U.S. dollars]. All this was accepted with good grace by her mum, but barely a thank you. She also made very little effort to interact.”

They continue that they have seen signs the granddaughter is becoming more and more “spoiled,” while the child’s mother is talking about making the visits annual and bringing her parents.

ParsleyorCoriander concludes: “I feel uncomfortable and that I’m being taken advantage of, and that I need to say something now to manage future expectations. I’m a natural unassertive, conflict avoidant people pleaser and this is causing me a great deal of anxiety. How would you handle this?”

Grandparents still play a huge role in the caretaking of their grandchildren according to the U.S. Census Bureau, which reported that approximately 1.3 million grandparents in the labor force are responsible for most of the basic care of coresident grandchildren under the age of 18.

Newsweek spoke to Ruth E. Freeman, LCSW, the founder and president of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, about this grandparent’s issue.

“I would recommend opening up channels of communication,” said Freeman. “Eight years old is old enough to understand certain aspects of complicated situations. If you are a grandparent struggling with your grandchild’s behavior, but not wanting to undermine the parent, you may also want to chat with her in advance of visits and let her know about the behaviors you hope she’ll use when you are together. You can ask her if she has any behaviors she hopes you’ll use when you are together as well.”

When someone chooses a partner, there can often be an expectation that both families will see eye to eye, because the couple has chosen to be together. However, this is not always the case.

“As she gets older,” said Freeman, “your granddaughter may be able to visit you on her own and you want to preserve that possibility. For that reason, you may want to avoid confrontation with mom, but you also don’t need to bend to her expectations. If she brings up a trip next year, you can decide at that time whether you’d like to host that visit or not and just let her know. Learn to use phrases like, ‘It won’t work out this year,” or ‘This isn’t a great time for me.’ Even if you don’t like confrontation, it is important to learn to say no without excuses if you want to preserve this relationship."

Meanwhile, commenters chimed in on ParsleyorCoreander’s dilemma. User cstaff said: “That is so messed up from their perspective. Just because you have money doesn’t mean that you have to spend it on whoever feels entitled to it.”

LaraMargot wrote: “‘You are more than welcome to visit but I am unable to fund it as I did previously.’”

Obki remarked: “That’s really too much. The family have shown they will take an inch if given a mile.”

Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.