IN DOING SO, Gray–who covers horse racing, the Patriots, Red Sox and college football–tossed a live grenade at what he called the “unabashed homophobia that is so cavalierly tolerated within the world of sports.” The 55-year-old Gray came out, he explained, “Because I refuse to continue hiding from the truth that an openly gay man has as much right as a straight man to play sports or report on them.”
Men’s sports have long been a safe haven for anti-gay sentiments and comments, Gray contends, pointing to San Francisco 49ers running back Garrison Hearst, who said he did not want any “faggots” on his team, and New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey, who recently called Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcels a “homo,” both with apparent impunity.
And, just like in the hit Broadway play “Take Me Out,” Gray pins the epicenter of sports homophobia on the “sorry excuse” of the locker room. Baldly challenging straight male athletes about their fear of disrobing and showering in front of gay athletes or sportswriters, he contends that “there are infinitely more friendly and healthy environments in which a self-respecting gay man would prefer to explore his sexuality than a locker room full of straight guys.” Just days before National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11, David Kirby spoke to Gray.
David Kirby: It seems like you’ve created your own little media storm. Was that your intention?
Ed Gray: Not at all. I’ve gotten dozens of interview requests, but half the people were more interested in me and my personal story, which I totally discourage, because I’m not talking about myself, instead of the issues that are important to me. I have not done a single interview in which I discuss my personal life, other than to say that I’m absolutely thrilled and happy and honored to be able to come out professionally. And I think my message has really gotten out there because I’ve done it this way. I just want to pass the word that homophobic remarks and actions in sports shouldn’t be tolerated.
And how do you feel about suddenly being the subject of a story, and being interviewed by other journalists?
I’m not exactly the guy who craves the spotlight. I never have been. I really just like doing my job. It’s a little strange, but as long as I can talk about the issue, I’m really OK. I’m really happy to talk about the issues.
Before we do, let me ask you about the reaction you’ve gotten. First of all, your friends and family. Are they’re supportive?
Oh, 100 percent. 100 percent. I’m just really blessed with having a tremendous family.
And they knew you were gay before this?
Yeah.
So nobody found out by reading it in the newspaper?
No, no. My friendships are really on solid ground, and everyone’s been just incredibly supportive. And it’s nice to know, because I was kind of going into uncharted territory there, and I did so with really no trepidation at all because I do have such an incredible support system, not only with my family and my friends, but my coworkers here at the Herald, and the editors have been just incredible.
Have you ever encountered homophobia in the newsroom?
Not really. The Herald is a really great workplace.
And what reaction have you gotten from the sports world? Have you been inside a locker room since?
Yeah, I covered the Patriots game this Sunday. Not an issue.
Did it come up at all?
Other than writers from other newspapers who I hadn’t seen since the column ran, who were all incredibly supportive, no. Everything was business as usual. And that’s not a surprise.
Why not?
There is a homophobic atmosphere in sports and I don’t think it’s necessarily attributable to a vast majority of athletes. For the most part, they’re fairly enlightened, as most people in society have become. Homophobia, I guess, will always exist. I really believe, as long as the sports leagues do set a firm policy in regard to everyone in their sport–that homophobic remarks will not be tolerated–people will be held accountable for them. That goes a long way in eradicating that homophobic atmosphere. My message isn’t a confrontational one or necessarily an adversarial one against the athletes or the sports. But it’s one that the leagues and team managements have to address.
Has anyone come close to addressing this?
Well, I’m not sure. As long as Garrison Hearst or Jeremy Shockey can just keep spewing this stuff, not being held accountable, being encouraged to give sham apologies. And who do these people apologize to? To their teammates, for being a distraction, and for making their views known. They don’t apologize for hateful statements.
What kind of homophobia have you encountered or overheard? Do you remember any specific examples?
No, I don’t really …
It’s more those comments reported in the press?
Right, and it’s the widespread belief that a gay sportswriter can’t come out, that a gay athlete can’t come out. You just keep hearing it over and over. And every time there’s a homophobic comment made by an athlete, then, of course, other athletes are asked about it, and it seems the vast majority of these athletes say, “It can’t happen. They’d get hurt. The fans wouldn’t let them alone. It’s impossible.” That whole mindset, you know.
It’s an odd argument. They’re saying it would be too hard on the player, and not necessarily that they themselves are homophobic.
No, not at all. But there have been athletes that have intimated that they wouldn’t stand up for a gay athlete out on the field. The bottom line is that these comments exist, and they feed on the mindset people have developed that a gay man cannot come out in sports.
What was your reaction to the whole Rush Limbaugh controversy? Is race a more sensitive issue than sexual orientation in sports?
Without getting too much into the Rush Limbaugh thing, other than to say we’re certainly on opposite ends of the political spectrum, you notice the incredibly quick reaction to his statement. Now, if those were homophobic comments, it would certainly not be addressed with such expediency.
Do you see any parallels between the sports world and the military and its policy?
Oh, sure–“Don’t ask, don’t tell.” I’m sure that there are professional athletes that are well aware that some of their teammates are gay. But as long as it’s not talked about, it’s just a total indignity.
But in the military, if you tell, you get kicked out. What would happen to a gay athlete who came out while still on the team?
Who knows? That’s up to his teammates. I honestly do believe that a gay athlete can come out and will do so sooner than later. Once the policy is put in place by the leagues and the team management, where homophobic remarks and actions will not be tolerated, a well-respected player on a team that has the respect of his teammates, if he goes to them and comes out to them, and really tries to connect with them, he can come out publicly. Obviously, there’d be a media storm, which I know from my own experience, which is not nearly like a professional athlete coming out. Athletes are role models, and I really believe that the fan base would also [be supportive].
Are you familiar with Brendan Lemmon, the editor of Out Magazine who claimed to have a boyfriend in Major League Baseball? What do you think of that whole thing?
I’m not quite sure how I feel about it. I think there’s a negative and positive. It was a real positive letting people know there are gay athletes, because I think there’s a public perception that that’s not the case. They just don’t want to think about it, and I think Brendan made people think about it.
But the guessing game that ensued?
That’s the negative: it created a witch hunt. I felt a little uncomfortable about that because you’re dealing with somebody’s life, and people remain closeted because they make the best choices they can for themselves. And a witch hunt creates a bad atmosphere for those people. Every gay man has to come out when they’re ready. And I have nothing but compassion for gay athletes who are just not ready to come out yet. They shouldn’t be scorned by people, even within our own community.
Now, I don’t mean to give you a hard time, but you wrote in your column that, “The silence of a closeted gay man only serves to give his implicit approval to bigotry.”
So you think it’s a double standard?
Well. I’m not disagreeing with what you said …
That comment was directed right at me, that I felt, I got to a point in my life and if I remained silent, I was actually contributing to it. I couldn’t stand it anymore. That’s a very painful thing about being closeted for any gay man. They have to let comments pass in order to protect themselves.
Have you had any negative reactions to coming out?
I’ve had a few letters. Some were negative, but not, like, terribly negative. I got one today saying that, “I really enjoy your writing, I wish you luck, but, really, who cares about your sexual practices? We don’t want people to force their sexuality on us.” That kind of thing.
But I guess if that’s the worse you got …?
Well, I got others that basically called me a devil worshiper. But mostly I’ve gotten e-mails and cards, beautiful cards from people I don’t even know, that would make you cry. It’s 99.9 percent positive.
Have you heard the jokes yet? I just saw one online …
Go ahead. I’m not at all sensitive.
Well, that’s good. Here goes: “What has four balls and is still out? Why Boston sportswriter Ed Gray and his gay lover, of course.”
That’s great because, you know what? I am gay. It’s really the crux of everything, you know, that people are perceiving an openly gay sportswriter going into a locker room. People just can’t quite get over that. A lot of people have compassion. They maybe view me as a victim or something, which I certainly don’t feel like. When you open yourself up to people, you don’t become vulnerable. You become very strong. You’re not vulnerable to homophobic remarks or whatever because you’ve been open. If I’m closeted, and someone makes a homophobic comment, it’s very disturbing. Coming out is a very empowering thing, especially for a gay sportswriter. You’re not as vulnerable to homophobia when you’re out. I think people think that’s just the opposite.
That was a theme of the play “Take Me Out,” about an openly gay all-star baseball player who is fearless about it. Have you seen it?
No, I haven’t. I’d like to. And that’s exactly how I feel, that’s why I feel so positive. I frustrate a lot of people because I’m so positive in my view.
Are you aware of any other gay sportswriters?
I’m sure there are some, and I’m not really aware. People say that nobody’s ever done this, and I’m not sure that’s true. But it doesn’t matter. I didn’t even think about that. It’s just evolved into this great thing.
And for gay athletes, you said none have come out while still a member of a professional team?
A professional men’s team. I got a letter from a wonderful lady who reminded me that in the WNBA a player had come out.
And then, in individual sports, there’s Martina Navratilova, and I think Greg Louganis was still diving when he came out. But do you think being a team member makes it more difficult?
Well, it’s that whole locker room mentality. The mindset that a gay man cannot survive in a locker room with a majority of heterosexuals. I don’t believe it.
Why do you think that is? Do these guys think they’re going to get hit on?
Yeah. That’s the thing. And it’s kind of silly that anyone really would be threatened by a gay teammate, or certainly a gay sportswriter. But there are people, sad enough to say, that view gay men as predators.
But, if you’re a big, burly football player …?
Right. I just, I really just don’t see any sense to it.
Is it their own ego that they think they’re going to be hit on? Or is it that gays are predators and desperate for sex?
I don’t know if anyone’s sure what they’re thinking, even themselves. I think that’s why it’s so important if people can come out, and they just see that, “Oh that’s just Ed.” If he’s closeted, then there’s a real mystery to a gay athlete or a gay sportswriter. If he comes out, they can put a face to a name, a reputation, and a personality to it. Then it goes a long way to kind of eroding that mindset.
