Elizabeth McHugh delivered her second child wondering whether her husband had been killed while their baby was being born. Air Force Senior M/Sgt. Kevin McHugh was deployed in Kuwait during the Persian Gulf War shortly before his wife was due to give birth in 1991.
THE U.S. AIR Force helped them connect by phone while she was in labor, but their conversation was cut short. “He yelled ‘There’s an incoming Scud [missile]!’ and he hung up,” remembers McHugh. “I didn’t know whether he’d be OK.”
He was. And just a few hours after their daughter, Theresa, was born, hostilities officially came to an end. Her husband was able to come home three days later. But now he’s away again, this time serving with an aircraft maintenance unit in Iraq. When asked how long he’ll be gone, she shakes her head. “As long as they need him–indefinitely,” she says. “I thought it would get easier each time he left, but it doesn’t.”
The McHughs met in the military–Elizabeth was a staff sergeant who left the Air Force while pregnant with their first child–and have been married more than 20 years. McHugh says she has lost track of the number of times her husband has been deployed during that time. This time, though, she says the separation is a little more bearable than in the last conflict. She and her husband are able to e-mail back and forth regularly, a service that wasn’t available during the last gulf war. They get a free phone call each week, which gives their five children–ranging in age from 22 months to 16 years old–a chance to talk to their dad, too. She also has a growing support group of spouses whose husbands are also in the gulf or on remote tours in other parts of the world. And she gets free oil changes for her car.
The services are available through the Hearts Apart program, part of a network of nationwide military support programs available to spouses of active-duty members deployed overseas. McHugh is member at New Jersey’s McGuire Air Force Base, where at least 1,100 families have taken advantage of the program since it was introduced five years ago. Among the services at McGuire: free phone cards for spouses, video teleconferencing and e-mails, car care, babysitting services and a monthly support-group activity. Though Hearts Apart services are available to any spouse of a service member deployed for more than two weeks or on a remote assignment far from home, not surprisingly, the program has attracted more participants since war began in Iraq.
M/Sgt. Rick Marra, who oversees the program at McGuire, says that more than 80 people show up regularly for the activities these days and that between 30 percent and 40 percent of the spouses who are eligible for the services overall take advantage of them. He’s hoping participation will grow as word gets out. “We’ve always had people deployed and the services don’t really change, but there’s an increased sense of awareness now,” says Marra. “People want to be together.”
McHugh is among them. She joined not long before her husband was sent back to the Persian Gulf. “We’ve been doing these [deployments] for years, but this is the first time we’ve gotten free oil,” she says, laughing, then turns serious. “Really, these little things make a big difference. At least we’ve got a wonderful support group here.”
That’s been especially important for Linda Elliott, a 25-year-old mother who is expecting a second child in late summer. Her husband, Gary, an Air Force captain and communications officer who is serving in Kuwait, left on March 11–eight days before the war started. He’s on a one-year assignment, the longest time they’ve been apart in their nearly seven-year marriage. But being able to e-mail daily has helped bridge the distance. “I know he’s OK, and that’s all I need to know,” she says. “I look forward to those e-mails every morning.”
Elliott also looks forward to the monthly Hearts Apart gatherings. She hasn’t missed an activity in the nearly three years since she started going. Last month, the adults shared breakfast while their kids ate and decorated Easter baskets. Later this month, their children will bring the baskets back for an Easter egg hunt. “It’s a few hours where I don’t have to worry. When it ends I think, OK, it’s just three to four weeks until the next activity and I’ve got this and that to keep me busy until then,” says Elliott. “You get to meet so many new people who know what you’re going through. It helps.”
